Relationship Effort Balance Calculator: Who's Putting In What Each Week?

A typical week (0 = none, 10 = a lot)

Planning time together: you

Planning time together: him

Reaching out (messages, calls, checking in): you

Reaching out: him

Practical help to the other: you

Practical help to the other: him

Emotional support when it's needed: you

Emotional support when it's needed: him

Doing what you said you'd do: you

Doing what he said he'd do: him

"Do they love me?" is a question nobody can answer from the outside. "Is this worth what I'm putting in?" is one you can look at. It starts with a rough picture of who does the planning, who reaches out, who helps practically and who shows up when it counts.

Rate each area for a typical recent week, from 0 (none) to 10 (all of it). Be fair to both of you. The result isn't a score for the relationship; it's a picture you can talk about.

For general information and self-reflection only. This page is not professional, legal, financial, medical or counselling advice. If you feel unsafe at home, contact the US National Domestic Violence Hotline (1-800-799-7233) or the UK National Domestic Abuse Helpline (0808 2000 247); in an emergency call 911 / 999.

Effort changes; watch the direction

Effort is often high at the start and settles into something quieter. That's normal. What's worth noticing is effort that drops only on one side, or that appears mostly after an argument and fades again. Rating the same areas every few weeks shows the direction more clearly than memory does.

Bringing it up

Choose the area with the biggest gap and say what you'd like, not what he's failing at: "I'd love it if you planned one evening a month." Then see what happens. If the plan doesn't appear, the 30-day tracker keeps an honest record.

Want a wider view? The free 7-question relationship clarity quiz takes about three minutes and looks at the relationship as a whole, not one habit. Nothing is stored or sent anywhere.

Chapter Her download · $9 USD

The 7-Day Relationship Clarity Workbook

What's inside: A printable 7-day workbook plus a 30-day interactive tracker, to write down what is said, what happens and what keeps repeating.

Who it's for: For women who want a quiet, structured week to look at a relationship pattern on paper.

See it on Gumroad ($9) → Free Day-2 sample ($0+) →

Self-reflection only, not counselling, medical or legal advice. Digital download via Gumroad checkout.

Questions people ask

Isn't it unromantic to measure effort?

It's a private snapshot to help you think, not a scoreboard to show anyone. Many people find it calms things down because it replaces a vague feeling with something specific.